The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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