a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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