so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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