I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
