i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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