I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
