dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
