Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
