i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
