Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My hand turned me down
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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