what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
