i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
