You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
