I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
