i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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