ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
