It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
