So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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