the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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