I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
