he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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