apparently the secret to your success is patron
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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