Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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