shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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