I hope mine doesn't look like that
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
