Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
