I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
