Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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