someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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