just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
