So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm always down for nudity.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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