I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
