i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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