tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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