Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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