she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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