Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
