his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
