UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
