I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
