i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
