wrigley field is MILF paradise
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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