Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
