Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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