If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Green mimosas i think yes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
