Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize