I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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