she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
