it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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