When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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