I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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