I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just had sex bonerless
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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