foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
