at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Randomize
