Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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