I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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