i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
