Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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