I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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