There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize