What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize