I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
