Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
