I'm jealous of your bromance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
