I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
