Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
