Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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