if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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