She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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