Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
