wanna go halves on a baby?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
