O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
