I just cut my nipple shaving
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
