my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
