He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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