just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize