I wanna passion pit in your ass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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