but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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